The conversation about pornography is a conversation we need to keep having as men. The secrecy or the fear to be caught needs to be replaced with a fear of a loss of wholeness and a loss of communion with God and man. Some thoughts on how to begin purifying our hearts and homes:
First, parents need to be very aware of these issues. They can no longer assume their children are being raised as they were. Exposure to pornography is everywhere. So, the question is not, “how to keep your children from ever looking at porn?” the question, “how will they react when they see it?” Fathers need to have honest conversations with their boys about their temptations and their thought life. If fathers talk now they will not have to later. Capture their hearts and their words early.
Second, do not be naïve about the potential for porn in the home. Allowing young boys to have laptops in their rooms is setting them up for failure. In fact, most addicts began looking at porn when their parents bought them their first TV for their room or their first laptops. The same can be said for cell phones, iPads, Kindles, and any other tool that gives teens access to the web. Set guards like covenant eyes or clean router that blocks pornography use in the home.
Third, husbands love your wives. Spend more time with them than your buddies outside of work. If you love and build up your wife often you will be less tempted to look at other women. It is not uncommon to see men virtually abandoning their wives to pursue their own joys and pleasures. I hope men have good male friends, but when those friendships substitute intimate, loving moments with their spouses they are not only damaging the bond of marriage but mis-prioritizing their lives.
Fourth, limit your internet use outside of work necessities. A home that is constantly connected to the internet is a home that lacks connection with one another. Use times at home to converse, discuss, sing, play, etc. and use your internet time sparingly.a
Fifthly, if you struggle with porn addiction, speak to a pastor or to a friend who is either far removed from his days of addiction or someone who lives a life free of porn. One of the problems with addicts is that when they are finally ready to confess they will tell another friend who struggles with porn and the two end up feeding each other in their weakness. They end up providing each other a pass when they fail.
Finally, worship faithfully. There is no substitute for faithful worship. When you worship the Triune God faithfully God renews your mind (Rom. 12:1) and he renews covenant with you. Be present. Participate in the life of the Church. Do not allow entertainment to become your worship. You are what you worship and God has called you to lead your family into worship faithfully.
Let’s begin this conversation if we have not already done so. And by doing so we will begin to purify ourselves and our homes.
- Establish a time when no cell, tv’s, or laptops are prohibited. (back)