Why Keep Children in Worship, Introduction

I want to appeal to evangelicals who do not accept the premise that children belong in worship with adults. Now, I grant that I am in the minority position here. The majority of evangelicals may find the idea of children in worship from beginning to end a rather strange concept and so I want to tread cautiously. Some are legitimately intrigued by the idea but find the practicalities of it unsustainable. And, we should also affirm the obvious legitimacy of the need for places where nursing, comforting, disciplining can take place. My appeal is to those intrigued by the concept. To the ideologues who think I am insane, “bless you hearts.”

To elaborate further, over the years I have heard parents offer at least four arguments against keeping children in worship with them on Sunday. First, some will argue, “I can’t keep my children quiet during worship, therefore I don’t see the need to keep them with me.” The argument posits that the demands of disciplining and watching over little ones during the worship service ultimately do not bear any benefits.

Second, some will state, “I am not going to get anything out of the service if I am constantly distracted by them.” This is a variation of the first argument, but it adds that since the sermon is the central element of worship, keeping children in worship takes our attention away from the preached Word.

Third, a few will express a more didactic concern that keeping kids in worship with parents is a waste of time since they will get nothing out of it. “They are, after all, children, and lack the capacity to grasp the language of a worship service.” Therefore, there is a need for a more child-appropriate classroom setting. This is likely the more common argument and one based on concern for the learning process of children.

Finally, at a more pragmatic level, I am aware of evangelical parents who view Sunday morning as a day to relax from parental duties and catch up with church friends, so putting kids in children’s worship provides the needed rest for weary parents. This is not based on selfishness, but a real need to fellowship with other saints which is a biblical imperative.

I am certain there are additional reasons, but these are a few that I hope to tackle in upcoming posts in the hope of beginning a conversation on why I and so many others have faithfully kept our children in worship Sunday after Sunday until they leave the home.

I don’t want to minimize these general concerns, but I do wish to say that the experience of many of us has been overwhelmingly positive. In my denomination, this premise is accepted universally, but for those outside such traditions, I want to at least make the case that the fruit of seeing our little ones grow up worshiping next to us and singing our songs, and confessing personal and corporate sins have brought a greater value to worship, provided unity in liturgical language, consistency in habits of piety, and abundant joy to family conversations around a meal.

My initial premise is that when conversing with parents that are skeptical about the above proposition, we need an extra dose of grace and we must refuse to treat the process as if it were some “walk in the park “(which incidentally is also quite hard with little kids), but to affirm the inherent difficulties of raising little ones in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in the worship of the Lord.

I also hope to make these short notes accessible so you can pass them to friends as conversation starters, and hopefully conclude with some practical steps for applying these principles peacefully in congregations where this is not practiced.

The Case for Christian Education

One of the more audacious positions of Providence Church (CREC) is that it does not speak adoringly of public education. Our Book of Memorials says the following:

“Government schools tend to be, by decree and design, explicitly godless, and therefore normally should not be considered a legitimate means of inculcating true faith, holy living, and a decidedly Christian worldview in the children of Christian parents. Therefore, we strongly encourage Christian parents to seek alternative ways of educating their children, whether by means of Christian schools or homeschooling. In cases, where Christian education is an impossibility, parents must be active and diligent in overseeing the education of their children.”

In my southern context, most evangelical churches have a host of children populating local public schools. And as I understand it, opposing public schools is not the sort of topic that grants pastors awards in local ceremonies. Now, mind you, we are not speaking here of the responsibility to bear witness by some mature Christian adults who sense a calling to instruct and minister in that environment. Indeed, I know many who do great work in the public corridors. I bless them with every ounce of my being.

What we are arguing against is the intentionality of sending covenant children to learn under almost always ungodly curriculums. The responsibility God places upon parents to provide a Christian education is too abundant (Deut. 6, Eph. 6), which means that indoctrination is a means of grace to our children. We teach in order to inculcate a particular form of training for our local collection of arrows (Ps. 127-128); the kind that pastes on their foreheads all thoughts of Jesus applied to the earthly terrain of Mathematics and Moravian culture. You may say, “But education is neutral; we can just train them when they get home at night.” Well, I applaud your enthusiasm, but there are intellectual corpses all over the Red Sea of those who followed that logic.

Of course, no education is foolproof. Education A does not necessitate Godliness A. But Christian Education A offers a type of godliness in learning, logic, and leisure that benefits the cause of Christendom. Now, I have been advocating for this for over 15 years. Back then, it wasn’t that popular, but in our day, some have come to the obvious conclusion that such opposition to public education is the right one because the Democrats are eager to give transgender students the option of choosing their bathrooms and locker room and are enforcing mask mandates on little children. If this caused you to jump on the Christian education train now, I am grateful. Whether for pragmatic reasons or not, do it. And the hope is that pragmatism becomes dogma. Find your local Christian school or homeschool co-op in your town and go for it with every Herculian strength you have left.

In our congregation, we try to live out these principles by dedicating some money to help parents follow what we believe to be biblical and true about education. So, if parent A says, “Look, you all are speaking from a position of luxury. We can’t afford to put our children in a Christian school or to bring mom back home to homeschool,” we offer some economic encouragement to aid members to make that decision much simpler. But the one thing we wish to also do if you think this is still an impossibility is to help you –assuming you inquire–to look at your financial priorities on the table and analyze whether that iPhone 12 pro-max is really worth more than a semesters’ worth of books, or whether that middle-age crisis vehicle is really as important as a faithful education for your offspring.

Obviously, there are some nuances to this conversation and some exceptions, but the bottom line is that the longer you look at the exceptions and nuances, your answer will always be the same. But if you begin to look at the principle as the thing you pursue doggedly, then suddenly the exceptions and nuances become lesser things than they were just a day or two ago.

And speaking of nuances, if a family desires to keep their kids in the public school system for whatever reason, but still love our body enough to endure my occasional meanderings about the dangers of public schools, they are welcome to join our church as members, so long as they eagerly seek the well-being of the body and are not divisive. In my estimation, what we are after is not adherents of Christian education, but adherents of Christendom who believe Christ died to make us whole as students and servants of the kingdom. We happen to believe that Christian education best serves that purpose.

Distinguishing between disobedience and accident in our children

One of the difficulties of parenting is the art of discernment. We need to distinguish between acts of disobedience and accident. Our failure to do so may crush our children’s spirit. Accidents are not reasons for discipline, they are opportunities for productive conversations. In most cases, it will require a simple word to train them to avoid such accidents. “Son, we are not mad that you broke that glass, but let daddy show you how to properly place it on the table.”

When a child spills his water before supper or breaks a glass rarely is it related to an act of willful disobedience. In fact, children and accidents are almost synonymous. We should expect them to happen and in turn, prepare to deal with them rightly. I confess this is no easy task, but one we should be aware and prepared. Confusing accidents with disobedience can crush their day-to-day experience and joy. Further, they can begin to hide accidents for fear that they may be interpreted as sinful actions. We all need grace to see practice this distinction and act biblically. Remember that this day.

UPDATE:

A follow-up question from Sarah Joy Albrecht: Would you kindly take a moment to share your thoughts on habits of negligence/apathy/selfishness that lead to accidents? Any thoughts on ways to help children see the connection between this sort of attitude/behavior that leads to accidents?

Answer:  I don’t know if I have an exact science to this question. It can vary immensely. Perhaps other parents can chime in. We have one child that is prone to more accidents than the other four. His accidents frustrate him and we have noticed they have decreased over the last few months. Our temptation is always to scold the child for his carelessness, but in most cases, we try to establish an environment where accidents are treated as such and conversations about accidents are also quite natural. We generally ask questions to get to the heart: “Son, did this happen because you were in a hurry? because you wanted to finish first? because you were trying to be competitive? and the list goes on. I try to focus on these questions after the event when the environment is less stressful (usually before bed). Generally, I find, we, parents, establish the environment for stress in the children which naturally lead to more accidents: “Why did you do that?” “Hurry up to the table!” “I can’t believe you did that.” So, I’d ask two questions: Are parents establishing an environment for more frequent accidents and are we using such opportunities to minimize such accidents by asking honest and simple questions about their actions. At least I think that is a start to a better answer from someone else. Excellent questions, btw.

Children as Distraction

When I was a pastoral intern, I remember someone approaching me after a service and confessing that she simply couldn’t tolerate little children in worship because of their noises. “They were a distraction,” she said angrily. I often think this is the way many evangelicals view children: as distractions. They are distractions at home, so we find ways to entertain them rather than engage them. They are a distraction at church, so we do the same.

The disciples rebuked our Lord because they believed that the children were a distraction to Jesus’ “real” ministry (Mat. 19:13). But Jesus rebuked the disciples and said his ministry is to draw little children to him and to build a kingdom through the faith of those little disciples.

When we send our children to another gathering away from Jesus’ central gathering in worship, we are creating a separate class within Jesus’ earthly kingdom. Even though our intentions may be pure, we may be thinking as the disciples did and thereby missing the opportunity for Jesus to place his hands upon them and bless them with His love (Mat. 19:15).

Brief Notes on Children’s Education: On Boundaries

Developing a robust view of the world in our children demands boundaries. Therefore, defining these boundaries are crucial educational steps in the early stages of child-rearing.

The absence of boundaries generally produces confused children. We may call this “Enlightenment Parenting.” The children of the enlightenment will jump in the first puddle they find. Whether shallow or deep, they will learn to walk by sight rather than faith. But if they understand the purpose of boundaries, even expressing appreciation and love for them, children will walk in green pastures and be planted by the rivers of life growing into a greater knowledge of God’s world.

The Comedy of Worship and Crying Children

When Paul says we are “fools for Christ,” he is saying that the Christian faith is comedic. An unbeliever should find Christian worship humorous at some level. In fact, to be a Christian is to live in the comedy of God’s work in history. Think about it: God is using the cries of infants to frighten his foes (Ps. 8:2), and our Lord says that the kingdom belongs to little children (Mat. 19:14). What could be weaker and funnier than a kingdom/army of infants?

In short, worship is a humorous clash of old and young, crying and singing, male and female all together worshipping one true God. I have often said that worship is not a classroom. The ideas we have of people quietly sitting receiving information needs to be dismantled. Little children need to be with adults in Church because without them the kingdom gathered is an incomplete kingdom. While cry rooms and nurseries are good and right, institutionalizing children’s church while the big people meet elsewhere is unwise and unhealthy for the proper flow of the kingdom of God on earth.

When we participate in worship together–nursing infants, little children, teenagers, adults–we are participating in history’s great comedy where God joyfully defeats evil (Ps. 2) through the cries of the weak and strong.

The Arguments Against Children in Worship

I want to appeal to evangelicals who do not accept the premise that children belong in worship with adults. Now, the majority of those who read me find the above concept strange. Many of us have seen the fruit of seeing our little ones grow up worshiping next to us and singing our songs and confessing sins. Yet for many, the idea of children in worship seems foreign.

These parents will make at least four arguments against bringing children to worship with them on Sunday. First, some will argue, “I can’t keep my children quiet during worship, therefore I don’t see the need to keep them with me.” I am especially aware of this argument with families that have lots of kids. Second, some will argue, “I am not going to get anything out of the service if I have to keep an eye on my kids.” Third, a few will argue that keeping kids in worship with parents is a waste of time since they will get nothing out of it. They are, after all, children and lack the capacity to grasp the language of a worship service. Finally, aware of evangelical parents who view Sunday morning as a day to relax from parental duties and catch up with church friends, so putting kids in children’s worship provides the needed rest for weary parents.

I am certain there are additional reasons, but these are a few that I hope to tackle in upcoming posts in the hope of beginning a conversation on why I and so many others have faithfully kept our children in worship Sunday after Sunday.

Inconsistent Pro-Lifers

Is it possible we have become inconsistent pro-lifers? Advocates of the dominion mandate, but traitors to it at the same time? Lovers of children, but keeping them from Jesus’ benediction? We need to strive for consistency in this important matter. So we must ponder how we answer these questions: How do we as a church encourage new mothers? Do we provide them meals to ease the new challenges they will have? Do we welcome children into our church with the same joy Jesus did in the Gospels? Further, what about the elderly among us? Are they simply inconveniences? Have we given thought to how we can learn from their wisdom? What about the younger folks in our church: have we listened to their concerns? Or have we simply separated them from the rest giving them over to their specific millennial set of interests? There are times when activities for certain age groups are good and right, but has that become our norm, rather than the exception? If our desire is not incorporation, but segregation, in what sense can we foster a culture of life when we have developed a culture that disintegrates family structures and church life? Is it possible, I ask once more, that we have become philosophically and practically inconsistent with the agenda of life we treasure so deeply?

Mother’s Day and Child-Birth

“The seed of the woman shall bruise the head of the servant.”

It was through the seed of a woman that Messiah came and bound evil. Our hope did not appear out of nothing. The Virgin Mary conceived our hope. In I Timothy, we have the cryptic words of St. Paul, who said, “Women will be saved through childbearing–if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” This is a re-telling of Genesis 3: Women will be saved through the new Adam birthed from a mother’s womb. However, this salvation comes through faith, love, and holiness.

Moreover, I cannot think of a richer way to express the self-giving nature of motherhood, except through this triad of faith, love, and holiness. A mother’s faith is her salvation. Her love is her armor, and her holiness is her perseverance. Salvation comes through the glory of self-giving, even in the act of childbirth. It would demand the faith and love and holiness of millions of women through history to have confidence that a Messiah would arrive on earth through one of them.

We live in a day where motherhood is despised. We take a day to honor them, but truly what meager attempt to honor those who offer so much? Being a mother is now considered by many to be an interference in world economy. The United Nations began a decade ago an assault on motherhood saying that having children is keeping women from finding their fullest potential. As the world, the flesh, and devil go so go the United Nations. We need to realize that in our day any role that has been established by God will be confronted by evil, and such is the role of motherhood in our society.

So how shall we then live on this Mother’s day?

First, we live honoring our mothers. We rise and call her blessed day after day after day. Children, if you want to live a long and fruitful life, honor your mother with your words and actions.

Secondly, we care for our aging mothers. We have seen several examples at Providence of sons and daughters caring for their aging mothers until her last breath. This selfless act is refreshing in an age where many mothers die alone in their homes or nursing homes.

Thirdly, I encourage those of you whose children are no longer at home to function in a motherly role towards our young, soon-to-be mothers and wives. If there is ever a time when young ladies need the wisdom of our mature ladies, it is now.

Fourthly, for those who grieve today because of the recent/past death of a mother or a mother/figure, we grieve with you. When the ancient Israelites grieved the loss of a loved one, they told stories; be refreshed by the memories of your mothers.

Fifthly, for those who grew up without mothers, this can be a difficult day as they watch everyone celebrating their moms.  On this day, find comfort in the love of God. He spreads his wings over you as a mother cares for her own.

Finally, let’s together honor mothers and their love of Christ and the Church, our heavenly mother. Let’s sing their praises and shout at the mountaintops. Providence Church desires to be a place where diaper changing, doing the dishes, educating, singing while cooking a meal, writing a letter of thanks, kissing and hugging children, disciplining children, equipping younger mothers are all activities that are praised and not mocked. Happy Mother’s Day: Your labors in the Lord are not in vain!

 

Worship or Sports?

The contrast seems almost profane, but yet our evangelical culture allows this profane contrast to sound sensical. While sports can be important and should play a role in our lives–I speak as a lover of sports–our priorities must never be confused. Over at Reformation 21 the ever prolific Mark Jones offers some thoughts:

I think it is important, in all things, for our children to learn from their parents that from the time they come out of the womb to the time they leave the home the Lord must come first. Following Christ demands that we even renounce our family if we have to (Lk. 9:57-62; Lk. 14:26); how much more should we renounce sports for Christ’s sake? We are always to seek first the kingdom of God (Matt. 6:33).
Giving up worship for sports is not an option for Christians. In fact, to miss worship because of sports is positively wicked. Your children will not likely be converted on the field or on the court or on the diamond. In God’s house, with God’s people, they are in the most important place for their never-dying souls. They are in the place that shapes their living for the week, week after week, year after year, decade after decade.
The most important thing Christians can do in this world is worship God in the corporate assembly of his people on the Lord’s Day. Think about that. We enter into the heavenly places when we worship. We commune with the triune God and his people. Through faith, we receive grace upon grace, and we offer praises to the living God. And would we rob our children of this inestimable blessing for a game?

While I have written about this in my little book The Trinitarian Father and have written about it elsewhere, the conversation seems to be in constant need of being stressed. This is not merely a question of to be or not to be sabbatarian. I know many like myself who would take a clear exception to the Westminster Confession in favor of the continental view who still sees this element as binding. Jones asserts that this compromise is positively wicked and can have a negative affect on the religious education of our own children.