Tag: Marriage

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When Reformed Icons Go Gnostic

I have often talked about the boogeyman of Gnosticism and its egregious side effects after a workout. Gnosticism is a tendency to minimize the body for more ethereal categories; it turns the act of eating chicken wings into an unspiritual act, and I take umbrage at that remark because chicken wings are a Solomonic meal. But alas, Gnosticism is bad and it turns the beauty of tangible living into an exercise in soul-ciology–you can quote me on that.

But if Gnosticism stayed far away from the church, and only emerged from its cave once every 23rd Spring, like Jeepers Creepers, we would make it a topic of interest in the spring prior in preparation. However, Gnosticism is everywhere in the church. It shows up in praise choruses about wreckless loves and stuff, you know, like cool. But it is also more pervasive than we think, especially when it hits close to home in terrific authors whose name will remain hidden (but it rhymes with Schim Schmeller).

This long-standing grandfather of the Presbyterian Church tweeted thusly recently:”We should be neither overly elated by getting married nor overly disappointed by not being so—because Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us and God’s family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us.”

As the Germans would say, “Wat is dis!?” This pile of word garbage has the right-sounding words, but it adds up to a dung-grammar pile. I don’t want to say it walks like Gnosticism, but it sure acts like a Gnostic duck. And because of it, my theological nose is all up its business.

Let’s be fairly graphic about this endeavor: What man is not thrilled to have sex with his new wife on the wedding night? Or, what woman does not feel the elation of being protected by her lover? What single man does not feel elated to give his life to another in sacred communion? If a man in his 30’s is not disappointed in his unmarried state, I’d be concerned. There are singular cases of exception, but Mr. Schmeller spoke nothing of it. He made absolute statements excoriating the over-elation of a husband for the love of his wife.

And then the crème de la crème comes at the end when he adds a heavy dose of spirituality to minimize the elevation of marriage. For the record, yes, Jesus is the all and all of marriage, and yes, the church is the best community; and yes, these things are fulfilling in a different category altogether, but they are not to be placed against the category of marriage. If that is the case, then nothing is relevant or worthy of acting elated over.

Don’t take elation out of the equation by adding Jesus to it! Gnosticism is a freak of a monster and it showed up in that little statement viciously, with no mercy! So, in kindness to Mr. Schmeller, I decided to re-quote him:

“We should be overly elated by getting married (Prov. 5:18) and overly disappointed by not being so unless God has a very particular call in my life—because Christ is the true spouse, he accentuates our marriages and truly fulfills it with gratitude and tremendous joy and beyond that, he puts us in his family to add even more benediction to us.”

There. Fixed it.

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Husbands and Headship: The Art of Dying

We live in a culture that views headship as abusive. In the Bible, however, headship is central to the stability of the home. Protestant and evangelical men need to see this headship in the context of the great covenant responsibilities that come with that role. The man who views his headship cavalierly views his role in the home with un-biblical eyes.

I have met many men who come to see the need for headship in the home and have made the necessary changes to their husbandry. Some of these men came to these convictions late in life, and therefore, the changes occurred too quickly; especially for their families. They went from rarely reading the Bible themselves to requiring family devotions with a 45-minute sermon. Dad went from barely feeding his family spiritually to stuffing his family. Children grow up dreading the evening “services”, and the wife, on the one hand, gives thanks to God for the change in her husband, while on the other, wondering if God misunderstood her prayers.

God knew all things, of course. The problem is sinners have made an art of over-reacting. Pastors need to watch out for these types and bring their enthusiasm to a proper balance.

But the Church is not suffering because of over-zealous husbands/ fathers; she is suffering for the lack of any zeal in husbands/fathers.

In particular, husbands are called to meet the needs of their wives. He is the provider, sustainer, and the one called by God to make his wife lovely. The wife is lovely when the husband beautifies her. Jesus is the head of the Church and part of his ascension task is to make his bride beautiful (Eph. 5). He comforts her with words of affirmation. He protects her from physical and spiritual abuse. He is her Boaz and David; a redeemer and king. The home serves as the castle. Pastors usually know when he enters a home whether it is being beautified or whether it has lost its beauty. I am not referring to neatness and tidiness; I am referring to the grace of a home. When that pastor leaves, he may have just left a pretty tomb with dead man’s bones. Grace makes a home, and the husband is the grace-giver. How he speaks, how he communicates, how he rebukes, how he seeks forgiveness; all these things demonstrate and encapsulate the type of headship he is embodying.

The husband is a resident theologian. He may not be a vocational theologian, but his actions and speech are the word and deed that his family will hear most often. When the husband lives a life of constant hypocrisy, his lectures will become dull and lose meaning. When his life demonstrates humility and the virtue of repentance, then his lectures, even the boring ones, will sink deeply into the fabric of the home.

The evangelical husband is a lover of truth. Truth keeps him from abusing his headship; truth keeps him from prioritizing his friends over his own family; truth keeps him from isolating himself from the Christian body; truth keeps him from turning headship into abuse. He must be, as Douglas Wilson once observed, “a small pebble that somehow by the grace of God pictures the Rock that is Christ.”[1]

The responsibility of being the head of the home is the responsibility of many, but the practice of some. Headship implies dying for your wife, and many prefer to see their spouse die than themselves. So men, let’s die together for our wives, and let’s show the world that death brings life.

[1] Wilson, Douglas. Reforming Marriage, 39.