A Letter to the Episcopalian Conservative

My dearest conservative, Episcopalian, Evangelical friend,
It has come to my attention that there may still be some of you who have not bowed down to Baal or Beyonce. However, the very structure that you have loved and the very articles that you have cherished have been completely abandoned by your priests. They have left you out to be slaughtered by wolves. I would like to make a simple invitation. You are invited to join our small communion of churches. It treasures your 39 articles and believes and affirms your Evangelical roots. If you would like to taste of it, and live here in Pensacola, you are welcome to join us this Sunday at 9:30. We are liturgically minded and avoid the kind of silliness you despise in modern evangelicalism. We look forward to meeting you.
Yours truly,
Reverend Uriesou Brito