We love our children! We love being with them when they wake up and we love their snuggles at night before bed. There are so many magical moments of parenting. But let the parent who speaks always smilingly of parenting throw the first stone! Don’t tell me you don’t long for that bedtime with fierce determination; don’t tell me you don’t long for some precious time with your spouse!? Don’t tell me you don’t long for conversations with big people for a change?
We shouldn’t feel guilty about this…no, not once. We pour our hearts into our little ones, but if sleep cycles didn’t exist, none of us would be a parent for longer than a week. In much of our conversation about parenting, we tend to fall into pious overload mode and treat parenting as if it were so easy that anyone could do it well with a little prep time and a few tips from our favorite parenting guru. But anyone putting on their reality glasses understands that parenting is much more complicated and that we need additional times when life isn’t a liturgy of diapers and breaking up squabbles and cleaning mushed green beans from the floor.
I have thus far encouraged parents to keep their squiggly bundle of energy with them during the entire service. Aren’t I asking for a little too much? Shouldn’t I be content with simply allowing parents to enjoy a precious 75-90 minutes of pure and uninterrupted bliss of worship without keeping them on their feet…again on the Lord’s Day?
I promise I am not a tyrant; I am a benevolent pastor who sees your woes because I am fairly self-aware of the work I do as a father and the double/triple work my wife does when I leave those doors to the office in the morning and the remarkable job a single mom does who doesn’t have that additional voice to harmonize her strategies.
So, the final argument essentially ponders why a parent would have to sacrifice fellowship time catching up with good friends for an additional hour of navigating the wants of tiny people who incidentally want a lot. The answer is that we need to view our worship service as fellowship with the Triune God who invites our little children to come unto Him. Ultimately, that is worship.
There are plenty of opportunities for more substantial fellowship that will require some sacrifice. Perhaps dad stays home a night or two while mom spends some time with friends and vice-versa. We should allow Sundays to function as a day where we fellowship in a unique way (in the context of worship), but build the rationale for fellowship in a more intimate way outside the Sunday environment.
As a pastor, I usually have 20-25 different conversations before and after worship, but most of them involve catching up, and if there is a need for something more intimate, a parishioner and I will come to an agreement about what day to meet and discuss certain matters. Similarly, Sunday should function not as a time to have real conversations that must exclude children, but it should be used as an opportunity to make plans to meet in a more favorable environment.
Again, children shouldn’t be a hindrance to such fellowship. Certain phases of life mean that our conversations take place in a particular way. I often say that parents fellowship on the basis of fragmented sentences. We have this unique opportunity to begin conversations and then continue them 10 minutes later after dealing with whatever “emergency” our children may have.
In sum, I firmly believe that none of these reasons should distract us from healthy community life, and in fact, children provide an abundance of opportunities for beautiful learning and growing together in grace in the context of worship and fellowship.
