Advice for Finding a Husband

Dear friend,

You asked what one feature to look for in a future husband. I have done premarital counseling sessions for over 40 couples, and in those hundreds of hours of counseling, you may be surprised by my conclusion.

But before I give you what you should look for, I need to state the obvious: if his record as a Christian and church-goer is doubtful, don’t walk away, run. So, if you get the first impression this fella says all the right things but is half-hearted about doing the right things, he’s no friend and certainly no future husband. A good father can catch these subtleties early.

The obvious aside, what I have found most compelling in future husbands is their ability to take themselves lightly. G.K. Chesterton once wrote, “Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly.” Levity is what you are looking for in a future groom. Men who are uptight about everything, who cannot take a joke, critique, and act as if being severe is the apex of holiness are, in most cases, bad candidates for a future husband. I know there are exceptions, but so much of marriage involves laughing together, encouraging one another, arguing well, making food together, and having mutual respect for each other’s opinions and commentary that taking oneself lightly appears a prerequisite for bliss.

This does not mean that everyone must live with smiles dangling from their faces as if everything is bliss and nothing is lent, rather it means that a good man is going to bear a sense of a romantic mystic. He may be cheery, but he may also have the Mr. Darcy syndrome, which means an awkward outward demeanor filled with a poetic sense of justice inwardly. Elizabeth saw that eventually. She is also filled with faults, so perhaps you should give the man a second chance. But the key is that he is not the kind who wallows in self-pity, whether a Darcy or a Bingley.

For this reason, I have concluded that a man who takes himself lightly is more open to learning and maturing through marriage. So, keep your eyes open for flying angels.

Epiphany Cheers,
Pastor Uriesou Brito