Category: Churches I have learned from

Dear friend,

I will take your question and join it with several other similar ones I have received. Let me try to summarize it:

You are wondering whether it would be fruitful to move away from your location to find a suitable church for you and your family.

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I addressed a similar question in the Summer 2022 magazine article for the FLF (see link in the comment section). Back then, there were geographical movements taking place a few months before Roe was overturned. When abortion laws were reverted to the states, these movements came to pass. In fact, my own state of Florida grew 1.9% between 2021-2022. It turns out people don’t like oppressive regimes, or they can tolerate it only for some time. COVID was a step too far for Newsom and company. Nevertheless, these are political movements that are inevitably tied to religious concerns.

With that in mind, I’d like to offer a half-hearted mea culpa. Some years ago, I publicly stated in a conference that I think it is unwise for a family to drive an hour to a church when they are passing so many others on the way–some of which have alignments theologically. I asserted this because I wanted families to enjoy the benefits of local community life. I can attest as a minister that it is always more challenging for families that live farther to engage in healthy community feasts. But at the time, I think I was considering only some of the facts. I stand by my assertion to a certain extent, but 10 years later, my perspective has changed dramatically. This is not because my theological convictions changed but because my sense of the times has changed.

I have met many families over the years who lived solitary lives in faraway lands and refused to move because of a sense of belonging. They did not want to consider another place to live because they had built their lives there, and that is where they would end up. Now, my localism bona fides are abundant, and I can offer some mild claps to this sentiment. But here is where my concerns arise: these families come to me years later, saddened that they did not provide a suitable environment for their kids ecclesiastically or educationally. Then, their children begin to take independent routes to different and unhealthy paths. If there is one thing that is more important than localist sentimentality, it’s familial health.

If you were a single person, I’d make haste. But as a father of a family, there are some things to contemplate, and here are at least three areas to ponder:

First, theological harmony is more important than sentimental concerns. Of course, if you lack convictions about what is happening in our day, then staying makes sense. But if you feel strongly about what trajectory you wish to inculcate in your kids, then this consideration is deeply important.

Suppose you are a good Calvinist and you have strong convictions against the woke-suited remonstrance in the public square, and further, you want to preserve the teachings of dad and mom at home, but your local Anglican parish smirks at Calvinism, flirts with Russell Moore and pride in their diverse political opinions, what do you do? If you work remotely and have found a conservative Anglican parish in the state next door, then your duty is to open the possibility of a move. Strategize with your wife about what that would look like. Call the minister. Make a trip to the town, and then plan what a move would look like in the next six months.

Second, this is not a time for passivity. Don’t be that father waiting for the right time to become comfortably numb. If you need to be in a physical office and have financial security, but your family is dying spiritually, sometimes that may mean driving an hour to another church. It may mean planning your Sundays more carefully.

I know families that drive 90 minutes to church every Sunday and plan to stay the entire day (sometimes, they make arrangements to drive Saturday). Of course, moving closer is ideal, but the ideal is only sometimes readily available. Church leaders in that community can help you find ways to make your Sundays an accommodating experience. I believe your family will benefit from these additional efforts. Don’t settle for crumbs.

Finally, remember that this is a long-term game. I can see scenarios where it may be right for you to stay put. And, wherever you go, there will be adjustments you will need to make. The only perfect church is in session right now at the throneroom of heaven. But the end goal is 20-30 years down the road. Of course, should you make a move to your preferred state and preferred community, everything could go wrong. But if you stay to endure because of a martyr-complex or sentimental reasons while your children and wife fade spiritually and communally, then there is a certainty that everything will go wrong.

These are covenantal investments. The times are such that difficult decisions need to be made, and I encourage you to contemplate them. Of course, there are exceptions and footnotes to this conversation, but I trust these help you begin to think about your question.

Many cheers,

Pastor Brito