Dear Friend Letters: What to ask when going through pain?

Dear friend,

You mentioned that nothing is going well in your life and that you feel lost and hopeless. Part of the struggle through a crisis is the temptation to ask the wrong questions. The most common one is to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” There is no sin in pondering that question as long as it doesn’t control the entire framework of examination. But if all you do is ask that question over and over, you will find yourself alternating between disappointment and anger.

When Jonah was in his serpentine submarine crisis, he looked to God’s temple (Jonah 2:7) for comfort. He began to ask new questions he had not contemplated in his pain. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” he pondered, “How can hope lead me back to God’s presence?” Instead of, “Why me?” he asked, “When will I again offer praises to my God?” Jonah found comfort in the future glory of serving Yahweh again. Take it from someone whose entire journey is one of crisis and contentment only to repeat the dose.

It’s the question you ask yourself at such times that will orient your affections when such a time passes, and believe me, it will pass. When some normalcy returns, you can begin to see that your questions guided you to the right answers.

When our Father’s house seems distant, you will be tempted to forget his benefits. The questions you now ask will determine the answers you will give to life’s hardest trials. So, surround yourself with those who love and seek your good; who will push you closer to God’s house. Do not forsake the assembly, and always be within the sphere of the holy. Whether in the depths of the sea or in the tears of loss, betrayal, and bitterness, ask and it shall be given to you.