Evangelicals Against Bacon

I had five pieces of bacon this morning which means I am ready to take Brutus to war over Olivia’s affection…politically speaking. So, here it goes!

We should take a little time to talk about the lady that is often masked beside Joe Biden in campaign trails. And speaking of campaign trails, as the NYT points out this morning, Joe hath not one. That bastion of malarkey-ism pointed out that part of Joe’s strategy is not to campaign in the traditional form, so he can be perceived as a general Democrat; the kind that is very austere on COVID restrictions, but doesn’t say much about anything, ’cause, you know, stuff. The point is to present grandpa Joe in the best light: as someone who is keeping to himself like the rest of society and preserves his more frightening views in the basement during the winter.

It may or may not be working. We shall see in about 6 days and 15 hours from now.

If there is, however, one thing many conservatives agree is that Mike Pence is one heck of a nice guy who embodies many positive Christian ideals and who would make a good president should he be called to do so. He even says that he is fond of protecting his marriage…darn Puritan that he is!

Now, on the other side, ladies and gentlemen, you have Kamala Harris. I am going to assert that Evangelicals for Biden are also necessarily Evangelicals for Kamala. If you’re going to take your John McCain like an espresso, you have to take your Sarah Palin like a latte. You can’t have one without the other. Let’s assume Joe is the lovely grandpa that spits his tobacco into a well-crafted vase, but his VP is the lady who spits on people with her policies. Can you, my fellow evangelical-Bill-Graham-lovin’-altar-call-callin’ friend say that your support for Biden is also your support for Kamala by implication? Are you ready for that word-game-association?

Kamala once berated a nominee for being part of that destructive organization called Knights of Columbus. To be part of one of the most renown and benign Catholic organizations in the world is a threat to her worldview. The dogma lives loudly with the sweet men gathering at the Cracker Barrel.

What is it that you cherish the most? Or, what are you willing to tolerate to avoid Captain Orange and his mean tirades on twitter? Is it Kamala’s view on reproductive rights? Her opposition to that tyrant Amy Coney Barrett (ahem, Supreme Court Justice ACB!), is it her romantic view on taxes, her support of the green new deal, or her ban on assault weapons? I want to understand your vote, evangelical friend, but I think we must part ways on this one.

I really hope you understand that when the Biden/Harris team pops up on January 20th, they are coming for all your bacon…metaphorically, of course. Unless they really mean what they say, then we might be staring at a barrel of a pun. Haha. Not funny.