Four Principles of Modesty for Our Daughters

A seminary professor once said that one year in the full-time ministry equals seven in ordinary time. If that is the case, I am in my 91st year. That coupled with my old-soul tendencies make me a prime candidate for the disease of out-of-touchedness with modern trends in society. Since I assume such posture boldly, I thought I’d start this mid-week by delving into a topic that most Christians would not dare touch for fear of sounding puritanical or an archaic ogre.

I touch on it because I have a daughter and have the kinds of concerns that daddies have when they see their beautiful girls growing up. So, while I expect these principles to fail the perfection test and pragmatic test at times, they are principles for my daughter which may be of interest to other parents out there trying to figure out this modesty business.

For what it’s worth, I am of the Latin variety, which means that any pre-conceived notion that these principles come from some westernized attempt to impose Elizabethan, blah, blah, blah. But I digress. I suppose I am going against the presuppositions of my own cultural upbringing.

You see, I grew up in a tropical country where views on modesty went out the window before any conversation ever started. Anything was allowed because after all the sun will drain us of life unless we wear fewer things or reveal more things. And the people trying to think through modesty when I was growing up were exceedingly rigid and failed to convey their principles winsomely. They lost that battle. I firmly believe these are conversations that dads need to have with their daughters and one reason they are not happening is that we have allowed the entertainment industry to set the agenda for our girls.

Many years ago I came across the principles an Eastern Orthodox financial/business expert by the name of Michael Hyatt–certainly no hyper-patriarchal figure– gave to his daughters growing up. They were concise and to the point. I don’t think I need a letter explaining human biology nor the biblical ethic of female modesty, so I am assuming a fairly knowledgeable readership. So, here are Hyatt’s four principles:

a) If you have trouble getting into it or out of it, it is probably not modest.

b) If you have to be careful when you sit down or bend over, it is probably not modest.

c) If people look at any part of your body before looking at your face, it is probably not modest.

d) If you can see your most private body parts or an outline of your undergarments through the fabric, it is probably not modest.

Again, these are not perfect principles and there is room for further conversation; however, I do think they are principles for the beginning of a good conversation that few want to tackle.

I know, I know. Why did I have to go there? Honestly, my answer is that our daughters belong to God and God does care about what we convey with our bodies and clothes and my old age allows me to act curmudgeonly at least once a day.