I hope you do not mind me speaking my mind once again. I appreciate the few liberties you do give us here at the Shire. Among them, the free-speech one is fine indeed. I am not sure if you are aware, but if you know anything about the hobbits, you do know that we are a peace-loving people, or hobbits; however you wish to see us. We are peace loving toward you as well. Though I must say the amount of taxes we pay from our well-earned agricultural endeavors is becoming a little too burdensome. I am not as old, but my great-grandfather used to say that there was a time when there was no income tax. He always told my dad that a 5-7% national flat tax would be ideal. He said that in this manner, both the rich and poor could walk around looking encouraged, rather than discouraged concerning the fruit of their labor. With 5% of our labor, then you can pay for the military to protect our liberties here.

I am not a real expert in economic issues, as some of you claim to be, but I would say that it is a mighty fine idea. After all, we home-school our little ones, we feed them from the land itself, organic, that is. (Though we hobbits do have our version of fast-food- carrot sandwiches; they are delightful) In the end, I do not see why you have to take so much from us. What is it? 15-20%…something like that. Oh, I hope I told you, here at the Shire we do not like Math too much. At any rate, it seems like it is a form of coercion to take our money and give it to others who could be doing exactly what we do with our little hands, but rather they prefer to enjoy their televisions, while feeding off something you call, “welfare.”

This is interesting indeed. Here at the Shire when someone is in need, we ask at least two questions: a) Is he physically able to work? b) Is it a genuine need? If he is able to work and if it is a genuine need, then we stop by his home and offer him a job at one of our properties at least until he finds something more stable. I know you have not asked, but if there is a lazy hobbit walking around begging for money when he is certainly capable of working, well… I am not sure I should tell you what we do with these fellows around here. Let me just say that they will not beg for too long.

I want to share with you one last description of our Shire so that you may better consider us next time you look to enforcing your dirty and corrupt hands on us. Pardon the characteristics I used to describe you, but this is the common consensus around here. A good fellow who died many years ago named Tolkien, who was very fond of us at the Shire, wrote thus concerning our way of living:

The Shire at this time had hardly any ‘government’. Families for the most part managed their own affairs. Growing food and eating it occupied most of their time. In other matters they were, as a rule, generous and not greedy, but contented and moderate, so that estates, farms, workshops, and small trades tended to remain unchanged for generations. ^a

Sir, this is still how we are. Nothing has changed. And we like to keep it that way.

1. Tolkien, J.R.R. Part 1 The Fellowship of the Ring, Ballantine Book, Inc., pg. 30, 1965.  (back)