Liturgical Parenting

Dear friend,

I view parenting as a form of liturgical living. There is room for spontaneity, but ultimately parenting must be rooted in consistent self-giving, discipline, and joy.

First, self-giving means that parents learn that to father or to mother is necessarily to die; not to die physically, but to die sacrificially. I was once told by a father that he needed more “me” time, which meant time away from the children. I understand this father’s desire for some peace and quiet. Every parent does. But what “me” time communicates is a sense of independence that we lost the second that first cry bursts from the womb. Parenting is precisely giving up your independence for the sake of the weak.

Second, discipline refers to the necessary ability to apply some negative judgment whether through spanking or other methods. We know at times a simple conversation can elicit important data that frames the disposition of children towards obedience.

Children answer differently to discipline, so a parent needs to know well the personality of each child as well as be aware of their growth and how discipline changes with age. Yet, the liturgical principle is consistency. Coupled with that is the importance of constant affirmation of your child’s image-bearing status which is a positive application that goes side by side with discipline. Prior to Jesus’ mission to war with the devil in the wilderness (Matt. 4), he was first showered with loving words by his Father: “You are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

Finally, parental liturgy entails joy. A poet once wrote about her fondest memory being returning home after school to the smile of her mother. Joy moves the liturgy from glory to glory; grace to grace. A joyful liturgy in the home makes self-giving and discipline a richer parental experience and also accentuates the life and experiences of children. Every good liturgy requires smiles and hugs and kisses. If joy is missing, the first and second elements will become burdensome.

If you don’t know if these steps are applied faithfully (not perfectly), then you may need to sit with your oldest child or a friend who knows your family well and ask if he/she sees these elements applied in the home and which element requires more emphasis.

Liturgies are meant to be practiced, rehearsed, and exercised.

Blessings in Christ,

Pastor Brito