The most masculine thing a man can do to strengthen the masculinity of his masculine nature—which incidentally is masculine from its first breath—is to love another masculine man. And I write that last sentence as a testament to authentic masculinity and manhood in every conceivable biblical definition. But the fact that I’ve had to explain myself and even defend myself in the most masculine of terms means that we—of course, us men—are lagging in our pursuit of virtuous manhood.
I suppose there was a time when most men operated under a fundamental assumption about manhood; the tobacco-spitting kind, but also the “poetry is good” kind as well. The confusion around the sexes is so meticulously absurd in our day that we need to make sure we are acting out our inner Napoleon, whether we’re 5’0 or 6’3. That’s a real pity because I long for a time when I can look at a brother and say, “I love you,” and his response is something akin to, “Love you too, bro!” And the two of us go our merry away back to our wives and nine children without blinking.
I attend an institute of the godliest men I know. Most have beards, which is not the entrance ID, but it does communicate our desire to sing imprecations to God’s enemies a lot more man-liny. There is something prophetic a beard communicates; like that time oil dripped down from Abraham’s beard. But I digress. During the passing of the peace, we get up and kiss other men on the cheek. Paul would have been proud (II cor. 13:12 and a bunch of other verses). In our sanitized culture, a firm handshake will do, but the kind of handshake that leaves a tiny bruise in the inner hand bone; or a cool “COVID” fist-bump. Whatever suits you, but please do something.
Men who love other men are the best disciple-makers. They connect theology with emotions. They hear well but also rebuke well. They speak the truth in love, not in some obtuse fashion. Christian men are not bound to the laws of culture, but the biblical (first) and Christian traditions (second). For the past 12 months, I have read Paul, Augustine, Bonhoeffer, Eberhard, C.S. Lewis, and my fair share of Tolkien on friendship and love. And the one thing they seem to all have in common is this sense that brotherly love historically makes our modern relationships look pitiful and impoverished.
Out of the many lessons in writing and reading is the lesson that man respect another man whom they know love them in the biblical sense. We have divorced love from friendship, and our relationships are thin and destitute. David and Jonathan are mere symbols of a by-gone era now hijacked by pro-homosexual causes. Paul and Timothy’s relationship is interpreted as purely professional. The reality is that for those who find this conversation uncomfortable, the lesson is you have strayed from mother church so far that you are content in loneliness. But for those who find this entire conversation at least intriguing, ask your pastor when is the next opportunity to be around other men, and be there. It’s not your masculinity that is in danger when you absent yourself from other men; it’s your humanity.
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