One way you know a good friend is whether after analyzing your relationship in a certain span of time you can detect that he/she has moved you to overcome certain realities (I John 4:4). If, however, you determine that your “friend” has only perpetuated a position of weakness in you and has not sought or encouraged your movement towards the good, true and beautiful, you have been fooled by a false embrace.
True friends weep and grieve, but they do not allow you remain in a state of constant victimization; they do not tolerate your place of despair as a place to be, but a place to flee. Good friends do not offer you rationales to stay where you are because after all, that’s where other people are. Good friends do not send you blog posts that encourage more of the same lingering malaise. Good friends do not turn you against people who are growing, but push you towards them.
Friendships are not untouched icons; some are meant to be broken down with the force of an iconoclast. Friendships change over time and sometimes we are the ones that need to make the change. It is true that some friendships endure long distances and differences, but most friendships–especially youthful ones–change. Some will suck your time and energy with vampiric zeal; they will add little and take too much. There are seasons where you are to give more, but you need to determine whether this season has been the entire time frame of your relationship.
When young folks seek counsel from me about present relationships, I remind them that God moves us from glory to glory and certain people are fairly committed to not moving along with us; in fact, they want you to stay with them in their misery and apathy. But one of the fundamental means of maturity and wisdom is the gift of friendship. It’s embedded in David’s Psalm, in Paul’s letters, and the great warnings of Scriptures. No relationship is as important as your sanctification Friendships that show little interest in mutual love for the holy are not rooted in God’s view of communion with one another.
If you find yourself in the middle of a relationship where your life is being drained, your spirituality is being stifled, and your zeal is being stolen, re-consider that friendship. Friendships are not atonement experiences where you are the only one called to die and serve. No, Jesus is the only friend who did that! Friendships are experiences in mutual self-giving offering refreshment through laughter and merriment; tears and sorrow.
On the Impermanence of Friends
It is likely that you are a Facebook user. In fact, over one billion people are on Facebook. And of course, it is likely that you are reading this article because a friend linked to it on their Facebook page. So the majority of you do not need to be persuaded. The small and insistent bunch that will not succumb to the technological and peer pressure may do well to continue on a perpetual Facebook fast. But there is another group of Christians out there that simply haven’t joined for lack of knowledge of the benefits Facebook can offer. As a friend, you may have to print them a copy of this piece, or send them a link via e-mail.
Third, Facebook offers exposure to new ideas. This may not seem appealing, but I have always believed that Christians need to frequently visit C.S. Lewis’ wardrobe. They need to be exposed to ideas that confront their theological paradigms. Of course, sometimes these FB discussions can lead to unfortunate and uncharitable debates that consume a lot of our time, but again I want to redeem Facebook (see Mohler’s list for safeguarding).