Dear editor,
It has come to my attention that one of your writers misspelled “anemone.” He added the wrong vowel thus creating cognitive dissonance in my behavior. In fact, when he misspelled that word it offended me to the core of my being, thus leading me to cause damage to my neighbor’s property. I couldn’t help it; I had no other choice but to destroy the furniture in his front yard because of the great offense done to me.
As a result, I call for the termination of the contract from such writer expecting that he never be allowed to take up the pen or the keyboard again. He is worse than an infidel; yes, worse than J.K.Rowling, that Voldermort of a creature who dares challenge the status quo of trans-sexual orthodoxy.
I am tired of the universal abuse of the doctrine of toleration upheld by all those who share my cause in the house of grammatical excellence, and I am shocked that you have allowed this scoundrel to get away for so long. There is no atonement for his sins.
I trust you will punish accordingly this vagabond and see to it that his life ends, professionally, of course. There is so much more I could say, including an offensive tweet from 1974, or something like that. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Deal with him appropriately, or else.
Tolerantly yours,
a concerned citizen
P.S. Make him suffer.
