It’s a conversation I have too often with parents and leaders. They ask, “where are all the godly young men?” Where are the young warriors eager to suffer for Christ and to fight the current warfare waged against the kingdom of God?
Well, let’s speak with some sincerity about the lack of good young men in our culture. I don’t want to get into the bashing-men bandwagon. That approach has been quite successful in pointing out the abysmal lack of self-awareness among men from 18-25. It has provided the good kind of guilt that says that men are not living up to a standard, or if any, the lowest form of standard. I applaud the Jordan Petersons’ and all the weak-men iconoclasts out there. Hearty cheers!
As the average age of marriages now hovers between 25-30, it’s time to get this conversation rolling in my little universe. I want to address the young man who is probably very self-aware of his flaws. He sees that his habits have not gotten him far in that predatory aspect I am discussing; that perhaps his gaming skills and his proficiency at gifs are not the kinds of things that will get him a full-time job one day and the respect of a woman.
We should note at this point that finding a woman should be at this stage of life a crucial point of consideration; not the only one, but the preeminent thought of all your endeavors (Prov. 18:22). If you are in your 20’s and the thought of finding a wife is not high on your priority list, something is off. It can mean that you have embraced your independent life so thoroughly that you are accustomed to a life of ease and weird habits that only a neanderthal would be comfortable with. That is problematic. If that is you, it’s time to make some important changes to your Google calendar.
First and foremost, it’s time to re-prioritize life. Too many of the habits you embraced have driven you far from a future godly woman, but perhaps, if you end up marrying, you may find the cute kind who will happily birth you only one child and discourage you from waking up on Sunday mornings to worship the Lord your God. Certainly, God can change the disposition of lazy husbands and materialistic wives, but is that how you want to start a life together? What stories do you wish to share with your inheritors one day? Men, you were created for so much more and the only thing keeping you in your 20’s from changing is your addiction to comfort.
Second, my concern is that you have never given much thought to that which makes you a man, and now that you are in learning mode, you must know that the first man was given two fundamental duties: a) to worship, and b) to order creation. God gave him a partner to do those things more effectively. But while you await your helper, what are you doing as a lonely Adamic figure in your garden? Does your pastor know you well? Do the leaders of the church see you on Sundays? Do the fathers in the church and community see you as a potential candidate for their daughters? Or, are you merely existing and keeping the expected routines external so that you may cherish your secret routines? How are you ordering your creation? Are you forming your life around a goal and agenda? I can guarantee you that every virtue you treasure now in your 20’s that keep you happily isolated will keep painfully isolated in your 40’s. Remember, therefore, your duty to worship and order creation.
Third, remember that your calling is not to develop hobbies, but to develop holiness. Don’t brush aside the real issues of life in exchange for a pain-free existence. Growing up is hard, but necessary. To be a single man at this stage of history is one of the most dreadful things a person can endure unless he surrounds himself with the firepower that gives him protection from Satan’s wiles.
Do not become a casualty of youth. You are probably not called to singleness. In fact, few are. You also know that you crave the embrace of a good wife, as Solomon says. Yet, the longer you linger your preparation for your future, you will become more and more entangled in your private affairs making no room for anything or anyone.
I am grateful that you are aware of your flaws and I am really hoping that you look at your life anew today. Your future is bright ahead of you if you seek to mature into a Christ-like image-bearer. If not, join the thousands out there. Some of them are happily engaged with their nieces and nephews on weekends; good. Some of them are spending late-nights enjoying the company of friends via a headphone; good. But when you are done with all the externalized fun and a visit to your friends’ house for dinner, what do you want now or what will you do now? Do not linger. Let your pastor or godly figure help you strategize. The best time to re-think this entire thing is a second after you finish this sentence. Your move, man!
