Here is a principle from Proverbs that I think applies to the brouhahas in modern evangelical churches. Let me first paint the picture.
As it stands, I receive regular e-mails or messages from people wanting to leave their local churches and asking me how to proceed. If you know a bit about the way I dance, you will know that the best advice is the slow one. I have offered some thoughts on how to go about leaving a church in previous posts. But the gist of it is that there are certain steps to take. And for the love of St. Bucer, do not leave like an idiot.
So, it appears several church members are becoming fairly animated in congregational church meetings. The case among high-profile figures is all over the interwebs, so no need to rehash the thing.
I am a Presbyterian, which means I will never have to endure these things. Still, I understand the popularity of these meetings and giving a voice to the people. However, because we live in a live-streaming world, there is a high possibility that we will be exposed to these contentious meetings and we will get a little taste of your mess. Trust me, as a pastor, I don’t want outside people getting a taste of our mess and I surely do not want to see other people’s messes live-streamed on Instagram.
As to the principle, it is from Proverbs 15:
“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.”
Now, the principle directly applies to sundry matters concerning food and wine and hospitality done the Jesus-way. But it is impossible to avoid this principle in conversation with ecclesiastical disputes. The proverb speaks of finding a better home rooted in love than a contentious home rooted in hatred no matter how good the chicken wing sauce the hosts make (and I love chicken wings).
But the reality is you can’t always have your cake and eat it too. Sometimes, other people get to choose the piece of cake for you and it may not be your favorite, but still, we all have a good time and life is good. Other times, the host puts the cake in your face and you happen to be allergic. That’s when you call it quits! You don’t say, “Well, at least his intentions are good.”
From my observational standpoint, church members have an important choice to make in this process. Some of you are seeing trends in your churches that are no bueno. You are seeing prophetically the CTR and Woke #hashtags in future bulletins. The leadership seems to be going in that direction and the general ethos of the church is also headed in that direction by the choice of speakers, books, and podcasts they advertise. But you are a loyalist. You decide to stay and make a fuss about it. You have talked to the leadership and they have made it clear that their way is the way God is leading them. But you decide that at least there is love there and though the meal of God’s Word is scarce, I can make it through.
Methinks, however, that you have it wrong. It is more likely that the dinner of herbs is leading you to hatred and frustration and cynicism towards your local leaders. And that is no way to be a good parishioner. Just take a look at Hebrews 13:17. If you see where the church is going and you see ideological trouble ahead, and you say to yourself, “Hell hath no fury like my long e-mails to the deacon board,” you are not only experiencing a dinner of herbs, but it comes with a side of hatred.
That’s right! You are hating your church by being the frustrating figure who causes your pastor to subtly take a left when he sees you coming. Don’t be that guy! What you want for yourself–and your family–is to be in a place where the dinner of herbs is just right. And before you think I am advertising for little churches, I ain’t. It can be a local big one. But it can’t be the one you are in.
As you may know by now, I ain’t the Critical Race Theory kind of guy. I find the whole thing a sham of racist proportions. But I also know that your role is not to be the hero when you see the cultural trends of a church being guided by the leadership. Say your peace, and then leave gently and calmly without Facebook living your departure. Don’t sow greater divisions within, because while you think you are an excellent rhetorician, the ones you draw into your posse will likely not be and they will not proceed with the theological care you will, but most likely will sow more seeds of discord among people who may be discontent for other reasons.
Be somewhere where the orthodoxy of herb-dining is present because love comes with it. Make your pastor’s job easy and make him love you when he sees you coming down the hall.