I was interviewed yesterday on the topic of children in worship by a Christian radio station. It’s always good to know people are interested in discussing these critical subjects. One of the concerns that came up in the interview and was also brought up by a concerned commenter has to do with the exceptional cases. In other words, what about those who would suffer should a church policy be established that children should remain with their parents from the beginning to the end of the service?
I would immediately reply that I am under no illusion that such ideal would receive such a vast consensus. I am an optimist on ecclesiastical matters–the kind that keeps pressing an issue until they build a two-feet monument in honor of my perseverance a day or two after my death.
The other fact is that what we believe to be true, right and good does not mean we think that everyone must come onboard overnight. Let all those who suffered under the zeal of new Calvinists say amen: “Amen!” And I speak as a recovering irritant to my non-Calvinist friends. Mea Culpa!
That said, there are incremental ways to bring about a recovery of a view of worship that includes nursing infants and toddlers and teenagers on the same row, or preferably separated by an adult or three. When someone gives the example of a single mother of four who would panic or not even bother to come to worship because the local Church does not provide a nursery or a children’s worship program, I do have some additional caveats to add.
I do think this is a conversation that we need to have, which means that we begin with what we believe is true, and then we work our way down to the exceptional cases. We don’t build arguments based on the exceptions; otherwise, we would all be socialists. We think—at least most of us do—that Capitalism good, and then once we have established that principle, we work on how to best deal with those who have legitimate needs. But for the vast majority, the principle is that you work, and therefore you eat (II Thes. 3:10).
All this means that we need to be in some agreement as to our destination first. Then, we can begin to think carefully about what to do with the mega-church with 167 programs for little people. This also does not negate the hard work of teachers who seek to provide a carefully fitting message for kids ages 3-4. But I also want to be sure to say with all the courage I can muster that because there is good work being done, it does not mean that it is the right work to be done. Something can be a good deed applied to the wrong context. For instance, I can bring my wife flowers a day after our anniversary. It’s a good deed, but dangerously wrong timing.
We need to change the culture of the Church on this issue. And that means that some of you might need to make some changes (as I articulated in a previous post) at home, and in other places, if you really are convinced by what I have said thus far.
We want to encourage the single mom by pointing her to several other people who can come alongside her and help her in the process. I would suggest that if you are a single mom of four and the Church you attend has absolutely no interest in reconsidering their methods, and you—for various reasons—have no intention to leave, then you should continue to abide by the Church’s distinctives. If, however, your convictions become so strong as the days and months pass by that you can no longer tolerate that Church’s policy, then you need to take some more serious measures lest you become a burden to the leadership of the Church (Heb. 13:17).
As a final note, one observer noted out of concern that families that once were dependent on children’s Church have still not returned to worship because the vast majority of churches that have resumed their in-person services are not yet offering children’s programs out of safety concerns. Therefore, if you are still reading, the equation is: No children’s worship=no church participation.
My deeper question at this point is to ask why have churches inculcated a dependency on such things that are clearly not essential to the life of the Church in the Bible, or for that matter in the history of the Church. Consider that none of these children’s programs—however valuable—existed until about the 18th century and more formally until the late 19th century. All this means that the Church seemed to blossom for a very long time before these things, which indicates that we have become dependent on a system that is relatively new in the church scene. I propose we slowly but methodically begin to change this entire reasoning by having more difficult conversations about the nature of worship and the nature of children and their role in God’s assembly.
