Dear friend,
Now that school, for some, is in its full swing and samba, you ask why you find yourself already so anxious about your child’s grades and his academic future. You are already lamenting the sleepless nights when your child will fail to achieve, or better when you fail to achieve that expected sight.
We should begin by stating a few hard truths. When you set up idealistic, unrealistic visions for your children, you are doomed to suffer anxiety attacks as you see your dreams frequently shattered. Yes, they will sin. Yes, they will disappoint you. But not any less than you and I disappoint our Lord daily. We often set expectations for them higher than what we set for ourselves. We need to orient our expectations to fit the biblical imperatives of Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6. What profit is there if our children gain the academic or professional world but lose their souls in the process?
I am not discouraging you from pursuing faithful discipline and habits and expectations for your children, but I am discouraging you from your perfectionism. As Douglas Wilson once noted, “God is perfect, but he is not a perfectionist.”
So, too, we imitate our Father in heaven by refusing to follow the anxiety-ridden culture that sees a child’s inabilities to reach some stated goal as a cosmic curse. As Leithart recently observed, the fundamental distinction of our age is the panicked versus the courageous. Panic leads to strategies for quick fixes. Courage leads to long-term goals that bear fruit beyond happy grading results and professional accomplishments but in the formation of an entire humanity that impacts everything.
Every time your child does not meet that idealist expectation, give thanks to God. After all, it was probably your expectation for that child and not God’s. His inability to reach your stated goal is likely God’s way of challenging and crushing your idols. Your unbalanced expectations should die daily, and God’s expectations must succeed daily.
Ultimately, what I am saying is, relax. Jesus loves you, and he wants you mentally capable of handling parenting. Your stresses aid nothing to your child’s development, but your peace and persistent love will aid in 1,000 different ways.
Mighty cheers,
Pastor Uriesou Brito
