a) It doesn’t matter how many times I say it, it needs to be repeated until it pierces the Christian masculine soul: Under normal circumstances, the church is not optional. It is God’s fourth commandment requirement of you.
Men, if you allow your wife or other circumstances to dictate your faithfulness to worship God with his people, you are weak and need to be rebuked.
b) Your children will grow to be annoying to you if you do not invest in them now. Love. Care. Spend time. Read. Play. Hug. Kiss. Instruct. You won’t be annoyed with your future children when you invest in the present.
c) Don’t just “date night your wife,” but kiss her, love her, write to her, romance her, cook for her, and make her job at home as easy as possible by making yourself useful. If you don’t know what that looks like, ask her. She will tell you.
d) Family devotions are either too boring or non-existent in the home. Secret: make them short and participatory. Men, most of you are not pastors and don’t play one on TV. Don’t play preacher to your kids. They will resent you.
e) Read. If you don’t read at least 3-5 books in a year, you’re a poor leader in the home. We no longer live in a society where men can afford to not like to read! If reading is unbearable, or some other deficiency keeps you from it, get yourself an audible subscription and start catching up. The future will belong to readers.
f) Pray like a man. “But I don’t have a habit of praying for me or my family.” Then get a copy of the “Valley of Vision” or Evelyn Underhill’s “Prayer Book” on Amazon. And read those and learn how to pray by reading people’s prayers.
g) Serve your church. “But I work odd hours and only have a few hours to spend with my family on the weekends.” That’s irrelevant. If your church has set-up to do, or if they have widows in need, or people moving into town, or other needs, there will always be time for service, even if a bit here and there. And if you are concerned about not spending enough time with your kids, take them with you to serve. I guarantee you your family time in service will be doubly as profitable as just about anything you can do together.
h) Sing God’s songs together. “But I can’t sing.” Ever heard of youtube? Psalms, hymns– it’s all there. No more excuses, gents. Gather around dinner with a few printouts and sing something. Start with the doxology, if you don’t know where to start.
i) Get together with other men. “But my wife does not want me to go out at night with my friends.” Tell her it will make you a better husband if you spend time with other godly saints. Don’t isolate your masculinity. Help her put the kids down and take time once a week or every other week to spend time with other men. On the other hand, if you don’t extend the favor to your wife, you’re an idiot that needs a firm rebuke. And even better, spend time together with other couples.
j) Watch good movies together. Quit isolating your styles from others in the household. A little here and there is okay, but when you have adult kids watching one thing, you watching something else and your spouse watching something else frequently, you have isolated the family from an exercise that may build healthy bonds and provide a forum for interesting conversations. Establish a top ten movies to watch as a family. Begin with good classics.
Men, don’t waste your leadership! Use it for the good of the family and the church.
