The goal of this discussion is to foster conversation on a topic that is too neglected in evangelical churches. And speaking of evangelicals, I am one of those who proudly affirm the “evangel” and if the “icals” were a team I’d cheer them on as well. So, I am trying to speak from a place of wild familiarity.
I also don’t want to shame anyone into keeping their kids through the whole service when they haven’t thought carefully about it and are simply acting out of guilt. Guilt-based decisions have the durability of an ice cream cone left out in the Florida sun. Making decisions that are not common in various congregations (and in this case the majority) need to be done discerningly. One of my answers to people about children and schooling and other related subjects is that I love my children much more than your ideal scenario. In other words, if a Church practices something that I am not comfortable with regarding the nurture of my children, my children will always take precedence over the Church’s ideals.
For instance, if a Church has a suggested policy (if such policies are mandated we have a whole other problem) that children go to children’s church during “adult” worship” and you decide that it is best that your children stay, and you do it peacefully without causing a scene, the leaders of the church should understand. And if they get into a habit of making ugly faces at you every Sunday and sending you dissertations about how your child is only holy if he/she goes to that children’s church down the hall, then it may be time for you to have a more serious conversation as a family about how a) to continue dealing gracefully with such an uncomfortable situation, or b) how to properly inform the leaders that what they are doing is not kosher and needs to stop, or c) begin to discuss how to graciously and honorably leave that body.
So, it should be clear that this is not an attempt at revolution or causing havoc in a local congregation. What I am trying to do is to bring to your attention a different way to view children whether in the local Baptist or Presbyterian or “insert cool name” Church.
First Argument Against Children in Church
One of the more common arguments made against keeping children in Church–from beginning to end—is: “I can’t keep my children quiet during worship, therefore I don’t see the need to keep them with me.” The argument posits that the demands of disciplining and watching over little ones during the worship service ultimately do not bear any benefits.
This is a legitimate concern. You are in Church to worship on the Lord’s Day and the last thing you want is to add additional tasks to your time. After all, weren’t you just in the process of changing a diaper, disciplining, correcting, breaking up a fight right before Church? Why bring that whole business into the house of the Lord?
The first response is that there is no place you can go where some level of authority structure is not set into place. If you walk into the local Wal-Mart with your little one (s), you are still expected to navigate difficult scenarios. In other words, you cannot escape your authority. Whether a dad or mom, your authority needs to be exercised–always preferably lovingly–at all times and in all places.
The nurture and admonition of the Lord do not take a sabbath on the Sabbath (Lord’s Day), rather it should be accentuated.
There are two things that matter to the Christian: a) the worship of the Triune God, b) and how that worship fleshes itself out during the week.
The worship of God most powerfully manifested on the Lord’s Day proves to be the soberest opportunity you will have to train your little ones (we will discuss some practical steps down the line). Of course, you could let Sister Sally watch your little ones during Church, and I am certain she will be saying some nice things and even instructing your child well, but Sister Sally does not speak as an ordained minister; Sister Sally cannot speak on behalf of the Church, Sister Sally cannot do for your children what you can do, because while Sister Sally may have a general love for your child, only you (dad and mom) know the needs, understand the hearts, and see the week after week struggles of your child to properly train your child.
Remember, worship is not the academy, it’s not a classroom, it’s a living experience of the Triune God in a sacred space taking place by the power of the Spirit in the heavenly places (Eph. 2:6). Read that sentence three more times.
Yes, your child will struggle to stay quiet and he/she will be distracting; and yes, it will demand a little more of you each Sunday. And, you may miss that really great hymn/song while you are changing a diaper or Johnny throws a fit over something. But I can guarantee you that the more you do it the more you will begin to see little victories and with each little victory, you will discover that the joys of corporate worship are always more filling when you are together with your little ones during the worship of heaven. Like any glorious thing, the benefits come when you persevere in this holy task.
